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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 8, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am PST

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blackout, beyonce, a fat kid making out with a model, and a guy in a weird relationship with a clydesdale. [ laughter ] i also think the big takeaway i got from last night is we're paying way too much for pistachios. [ applause ] of course, the big surprise of the night was a power outage at the beginning of the third quarter. even their football stadiums black out. the outage delayed the game for 34 minutes. fortunately, they were able to fill those 34 minutes with 84 promos for the show "elementary." they finally did figure out what caused the blackout. someone in the stadium -- they don't know who it was, but someone clapped twice and everything went dark. [ laughter ] this is interesting. not to me, but to fancy people. king richard iii was the king of england.
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they buried him, because they killed him without much ceremony, so for centuries, his remains were thought to have been lost until last year when they discovered his bones buried under a parking lot in lester, england. on monday, researchers announced that dna testing has proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the remains do, in fact, belong to king richard iii. or keith richards i. [ laughter ] they dug up the skull and they used computer technology to create a bust of what richard actually looked like. and i have to say, normally i would have no interest in this sort of thing, but it's remarkable. take a look. >> just a day after scientists confirmed that the skeleton was indeed that of the british monarch, a bust was revealed of king richard iii. the three-dimensional model was designed by janice aiken, seen here unveiling it for the first time. >> tell me what you think of it.
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>> it's wonderful. >> scientists say that the creation helped reveal the real richard. ♪ hello >> jimmy: that's king lionel richard iii. different face. this is kind of scary. this is a scary technological advance. facebook is said to be developing an app that will track their users via the gps in their smart phones. the app would always be running in the background to allow your facebook phones to know exactly where you are at all times because that's been the problem with facebook. no one's been able to let us know where they are or what they're doing. all facebook users are either eating lunch somewhere or running a triathlon. the new app is exciting because with this feature, you figure out where your friends are, cl is great for meeting up. and will definitely never be used for stalking people. so just to recap, a major corporation will soon know everything we like and dislike, what we look like, everyone we know, and exactly where we are
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at all times. i can't see how this could possibly go wrong. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i give it a year before they're just injecting facebook into our necks. this weekend, a couple from fairfield, connecticut, will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the united states. they got married more than 80 years ago. you see how long a marriage can last if you don't meet on "the bachelor"? john and ann got married on november 25th, 1932. they bonded over their mutual love of music, travel, and not dying of polio. they have five children, 14 grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren. they said the secret to their long lasting marriage is love, compromise and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years. [ applause ] john is 101. ann is 93. it's a great story. i thought it would be fun to
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speak to them. so here now live via skype, the soon-to-be longest married couple in america, john and ann betar. hello. [ applause ] so you've been married -- what's that? [ laughter ] so you guys -- can you hear me? ann and john? i can't hear what they're -- i can't hear -- yeah, push the button right there. okay, good. hi, congratulations on being married for almost 80 -- [ laughter ] yeah, no -- you know what? we'll try again next year. it's difficult. [ applause ] back to the super bowl. it's always a gamble when your favorite team goes to the championship game and you go with them. if they win, it can be one of the greatest trips of your life. if they lose, it can be
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horribly, horribly depressing and no one hates seeing unhappy faces more than my cousin sal. that's why cousin sal flew all the way out to new orleans this weekend to wait outside the superdome to comfort fans of the losing team. in this case, it was the fans of the 49ers who were very fortunate that cousin sal was there to wipe their tears away. >> cousin sal outside the superdome, where 49ers fans just suffered a heartbreaking loss. i'm going to comfort them by making them uncomfortable. join me on my console patrol. >> it's not your fault, man. it's not your fault. whose fault is it? not yours. >> jim harbaugh. >> jim harbaugh, right? >> i feel terrible. it's our team is a loser, right? >> yeah. >> right? >> give me a hug, man. at least we got to see beyonce,
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right? >> [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> is this the worst thing to happen in our lives? >> yes, it is. it's very bad. >> much better fans. >> not really. this is a good game. >> is this your husband? >> yes, it is. >> all right, you go home and make love to her, you understand me? >> the 49ers were never good enough for you. you know that. i told you that, right? >> all right. >> i'm not going to stop hugging you until you're happy. >> i'm happy. >> are you happy? >> i'm happy, man. >> i don't think you're happy. >> san francisco all the way. >> are you happy? >> yeah, i'm good. >> i don't know if you're happy. i don't think you're happy. >> i'm good. >> you're so big and strong. >> i'm not going to let go until you're happy. >> if you let go, i'll be happy. >> how much did you spend to get out here? >> we spent a lot, but it was worth it. >> no, it's not worth it. it's terrible. look what they did to you, you lost all your hair for this stupid team. >> it's not your fault. >> it's my fault. >> the stupid beads.
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this garbage. >> this is no life. it's no way to live. and now you're in for life. ray lewis should be in for life. >> yeah, he should be. >> [ bleep ] that last play [ bleep ]. >> i think it was your fault. >> don't say that [ bleep ]. >> i'm sorry. >> come here, stop playing. listen, they're better. their fans are better. their fans smell better. >> everything is true. >> yes. look what you did to your head. your shaved it. stop it. he feels so stupid. don't embarrass him. stupid. >> i'm really glad they lost.
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up next, who would you rather kiss? and still ahead, bradley cooper on getting nominated. >> i woke my mom up, we were sitting there -- >> jimmy: you're still living with your mom? [ laughter ] [ male announcer ] everyday thousands of people are choosing advil®. my name is taho and i'm a fish guy. it's a labor of love. it's a lot of labor and it's a lot of love. i don't need to go to the gym. my job is my workout. you're shoveling ice all day long. it's rough on the back. it's rough on the shoulders. i get muscle aches all over. advil® is great. pain and soreness is just out of the picture. [ male announcer ] make the switch. take action. take advil®. and for sinus congestion, now you can get advil® combined with a proven decongestant. breathe easier with advil® congestion relief. more than 50 times a day? so brighten your smile a healthy way with listerin® whitening plus restoring rinse. it's the only rinse that makes your teeth two shades whiter and two times stronger. ♪
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listerin® whitening... power to your mouth™. but that doesn't happen much anymore. the creative process never stops. and songwriting is so hard, but i love it. these days, i guess i just don't want to miss a thing. [ laughs ] i miss you guys. that's me. and this is my windows phone. [ male announcer ] now get a windows phone 8x by htc for just $99.99 at verizon. and under 550 calories each. you have to taste it to believe it. i believe it! i can dig it! [ male announcer ] uh oh. yep, they tasted it. big flavor, big portions, starting at just $9.99. see you tomorrow.
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that's all i know.onal.9.99. prior to joining h&r block... i was a cfo for 25 years. we know and we understand... tax laws, tax theories. this is my dream job.
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this is my favorite thing in the world to do. i've done 25,000 tax returns. you might say i've had some experience. i will back you up. bring it on. days of walking to give a breast cancer survivor a lifetime-- that's definitely a fair trade. it was such a beautiful experience.
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(jessica lee) ♪ and it's beautiful (woman) why walk 60 miles in the boldest breast cancer event in history? because your efforts help komen serve millions of women and men facing breast cancer every year. visit to register or to request more information today. it was 3 days of pure joy. ♪ and it's beautiful >> jimmy: the u.s. postal service made a big announcement today. for the past few years, the postal service has been losing billions of dollars, so to cut costs, starting in august, they will no longer deliver mail on saturdays. really? they will still deliver packages on saturdays, just not regular mail, which means we'll only get the bed, bath & beyond coupon
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pact on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and fridays now. meanwhile, in another sign of changing times, a major announcement from the makers of monopoly today. they're retiring their least popular game piece, the iron. remember the little iron? it's gone. it will not be a part of the game from now on. they have to keep updating these board games to keep them fresh. candy land just changed its name to fresh organic vegetable land. [ laughter ] but hasbro let people in 120 countries vote through facebook, they voted on which game piece would be retired and which new game piece would replace it. the choices were diamond ring, robot, helicopter, guitar, and the winner, which was a cat. this goes to show you if you let the internet decide, it will always choose cats. [ laughter ] thank you. i hope this doesn't cause a problem with the little scottie dog.
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i can't have animals chasing each other on my board. maybe monopoly should concentrate less on what their game pieces are and more on how to make it not the most boring game on the planet. even life, at least they have the big spinner. monopoly has nothing, they have a thimble in moe knob nopoly. what do you do with the iron? you can use it as a paperweight for post-its. you can use it to scrape ice off snooki's windshield. it makes a nice tool to smooth kitty litter. you can use it to spread out the butter on tiny pancakes. and if you have some extras lying around, turn them into a fashionable one-of-a-kind grill. [ cheers and applause ] as you're probably aware, it is flu season. it's the most shocking flu season yet. how is it possible that no one on "the bachelor" never gets the flu? they should all be covered in
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tissues and herpes, right? a lot of people who work at our show are sick, which is why you have to make sure to boil your co-workers before you interact with them. i feel particularly vulnerable because if i get the flu, everyone gets the week off, which is i think why guillermo keeps trying to open-mouth kiss me every day. no one likes to get the flu, but i decided to conduct an experiment today. i sent a camera on to hollywood boulevard to ask people walking by this question. would you kiss -- would you rather kiss a flu-ridden bradley cooper, who is our guest tonight, or -- [ cheers and applause ] or me without the flu? [ laughter ] you follow? a kiss from bradley with the flu or a kiss from me without. let's find out what they say. >> would you rather kiss a healthy j healthy jimmy kimmel or bradley
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cooper with the flu? >> that's a hard one. i'd rather kiss bradley cooper with the flu. >> would you rather kiss a healthy jimmy kimmel or bradley cooper with the flu? >> bradley keeper with the flu. >> bradley cooper with the flu. >> bradley cooper with the flu. >> bradley cooper with the flu, plus chickenpox, plus any other disease. >> i think bradley cooper with the flu. he's just so handsome. >> all right, get out of here, you slut. >> jimmy kimmel, or bradley cooper with the flu? >> yeah, bradley cooper. >> bradley cooper with the flu. >> why is that? >> jimmy kimmel is kind of funny looking. >> bradley cooper. >> of course, bradley cooper. >> even though you're putting that unborn child at risk? >> you know, i'm sure my kids will have immunization shots and stuff like that. >> would you rather kiss a healthy jimmy kimmel or bradley cooper with the flu? >> oh.
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do i have to pick one? >> probably jimmy kimmel, i don't want the flu. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i did get one. guess what, he's not kissing any of you. he's kissing me tonight. it's thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> john harbaugh talked about [ bleep ] his younger brother jim, coach of the 49ers. >> he did let me know if the day came, i could go beat on his [ bleep ] and put it to him. >> burger king admitting the presence of horse [ bleep ] in their food. >> maybe a gentle nudge, maybe a big [ bleep ] in the butt. >> a lot of young boys started
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out having sex with [ bleep ]. >> andrew cuomo is proposing [ bleep ] 400 million [ bleep ]. >> gayle anderson with the black [ bleep ]. >> they won't let you in? >> i'm just here to [ bleep ] the president of the united states. >> who feels like [ bleep ]? so do we. >> richard simmons! >> jeff and stacy. >> [ bleep ]? >> no. >> oscar? >> what do you want, [ bleep ]. >> i want to [ bleep ] you. >> huh? no, no, no. >> dicky: up next, bradley cooper on co-star robert de niro. >> hey, i got news for you, this guy really can act. >> reporter: and later, melissa mccarthy. ♪
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>> jimmy: our first guest tonight is an academy award nominated actor who has shared the screen with legends like robert de niro, jeremy irons, terry bradshaw, mike tyson. his excellent movie "silver linings playbook" is in theaters now. please say hello to bradley cooper! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: hello. glad somebody wants to kiss me around here. >> this is like my eighth time being on here. >> jimmy: i think so. >> we were just talk backstage. >> jimmy: that's when we start kissing? >> it was a call back. >> jimmy: congratulations to you, by the way, for your academy award nomination. >> oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you really did a fantastic job in this movie. which is more exciting? >> i got to think about that. >> jimmy: it is exciting, right? >> which one? >> jimmy: both of them. >> it's crazy, it's crazy. >> jimmy: it is a crazy thing. because i think people think of you and anyone who's a movie
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star, almost as if you were born a movie star, but you're a guy who, you know, has family and you meet people and you weren't always a celebrity, and knnow you're nominated for an oscar. >> yeah, it's pretty nuts. >> jimmy: where were you when you found out about this? >> i was at home. i had this idea that i was going to go running with my dog, but they announce it at 5:00 a.m., so it's pitch dark. i woke my mother up. >> jimmy: oh, you're still living with your mom? [ laughter ] that's very sweet. >> yeah, yeah. i am. >> jimmy: you woke your mom up or she woke you up? >> she was sleeping right next to me. [ laughter ] i just leaned over. i was like hey, baby. this is getting so sick. >> jimmy: grandma on the top
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bunk. >> my mom's all excited like what is he saying? >> jimmy: whenever i do anything like that, i tell my parents, well, you raised a monster. >> that's right. yeah, it's all because of you. so we were there, and it was crazy, because they said robert de niro's name and then jaci weaver and david o. russell and david had been snubbed by the dga and golden globes. so i was kind of emotional, especially jacki. they said my name and my mother was flipping out. i guess i had no reaction at all. she starts laying into me, like what are you doing? they said your name. i was like what? and then i called robert de niro. because i was so excited that they said his name. i love him and we're friends, but i never -- i try not to get mushy with him, you know i mean? like sensitive. but i was so excited. i was like hey, bob. he was like yeah -- the thing about robert de niro is he loves talking about schedules.
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>> jimmy: really? >> like hey, bob, how you doing? good, 10:00, i'm going to go over here. 11:30 -- great, bob. great. so he's just got into town. >> jimmy: that's what my dad does. >> that's what it is. spend two hours talking about his schedule. and i love it. but maybe this morning we talk about something else. so i was like hey, he's like hey, how you doing? i was like hey, congratulations. huh? yeah, yeah, yeah. you in l.a.? yeah, yeah. i just got here. listen, bob, so, you know, i was just thinking, now we're both nominated -- yeah, uh-huh. so how long you here for? because tonight we're going to go to georgio's. and at 4:30 -- he starts giving me the rundown. and i felt awful that i had tried to have a moment with him and it got awkward. i was like 4:30, what are you doing? you going to take the 10? i wouldn't take the 405. >> jimmy: he probably gets nominated for things so
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frequently. >> it's been a while, actually. i think it's been like 20 years. >> jimmy: no! really? >> i think it's been a long time. he won for "the godfather" and he won for "raging bull" and i think that's it. >> jimmy: he was fantastic in this movie, too. >> oh, my god, are you kidding me? and he's the real deal. obviously he's the real deal. >> jimmy: yeah, he's robert de niro. >> i got news for you, this guy really can act! i mean, i was really surprised. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so what about your co-stars from "the hangover"? were they excited about this? do they feel like you left them behind for greener pastures? >> let me put it this way. the movie came out in november, we're shooting "the hangover 3." todd phillips, he saw it right away. every day, there would be a thing between us. i would show up onset. they would be like did they say anything yet? whole movie, not one thing. >> jimmy: no one said anything? >> nothing. >> jimmy: zack galifianakis said
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nothing? >> zero. >> jimmy: mike tyson said nothing? >> mike called me. [ laughter ] mike called me. a gentleman. >> jimmy: this is almost not real-like. you were at a big luncheon today for all the oscar nominees. tell us what's going on here. first of all, everyone's there, right? >> yeah, daniel day-lewis is not there. >> jimmy: even iron man is in the middle there. >> and downey was in there the whole time. he was very committed. >> jimmy: so now we have -- where are you here? >> i'm right there. >> jimmy: wow, what a seat you've got there. >> it was very stressful, though. first of all, i'll just walk you through the thing real quick. denzel washington was the first person called up. so he has to sit there while every single person walks up. i was all the way in the back. and like maybe the last ten people called, and i started to think as i'm sitting there,
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maybe they're not going to call my name. [ laughter ] and then you start thinking -- it's like 15 minutes goes by where they're calling everybody. i start thinking oh, they're definitely -- oh, maybe this is like a joke? and then i started to think, wait, maybe this is all made up. maybe i'm dreaming this and this is the nightmare right here. your mind starts doing this -- >> jimmy: like for the kickball team or something. >> and then they said bradley cooper. i sad right down. de niro was like three after that and he comes walking down and he starts walking and he's like trying to figure out where -- the guy goes, yeah, just go up in there. so he went all the way up in here. and i started thinking, i was like oh, no, bob, come sit. i started to get freaked out that bob was going up in the rafter. and then i just quieted down. >> jimmy: yeah, you have to. there's nothing you can really do. they put you where they put you. >> i made it very complicated and it was very simple. >> jimmy: look at how much better your seat is than steven spielberg. he's stuck all the way on the end. he's barely even in the shot.
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he's in an aisle. >> i kept trying to look up at affleck. he wasn't looking at me. this whole side is looking at me like loser. you don't know affleck. >> jimmy: i think you get a pretty good idea of who's going to win based on the seating chart from this photograph alone. wow. >> it was pretty amazing, i have to say. >> jimmy: i would think it would be. maybe you should take this home. give it to your mother or something like that. >> dicky: still ahead, from the baltimore ravens, jacoby jones, ewan mcgregor, and up next, melissa mccarthy steals jimmy's credit card. >> jimmy: wait a minute, that is my credit card. how did you get that? hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. valentine's day is right around the corner. here's a word from the good people at teleflora. >> valentine's day is here again, my sweet cupcake. i have something for you. the bouquet from teleflora.
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a twinkling heart shaped necklace. it's beautiful, just like you. [ laughter ] you're welcome. >> flowers for ms. pepe. >> who sent this? >> he did. >> pepe, this is not right. you have to choose, me or paco. >> find out who pepe will choose next valentine's day. >> dicky: guys, don't disappoint your lady this valentine's day, go to to orderer the perfect bouquet. i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. so my doctor added abilify to my antidepressant. she said some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. now i feel more in control of my depression. [ female announcer ] abilify is not for everyone.
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jim you're very funny. your character steals jason bateman's character's identity. is that something -- does it go that way, that you can really -- >> it's something that happens all the time and it's not that hard to do. >> jimmy: i know it happens a lot, but it must be more complex than just -- >> no. you have to get a little bit of information from someone. like what really helps, if you start, let's say, jimmy kimmel's credit card. that helps. >> jimmy: wait a minute, that is my credit card. >> done touch it. >> jimmy: how did you get that?
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>> on your desk. >> jimmy: it wasn't even on my desk. >> out. out of your pants. >> jimmy: wait a minute, you got that, and just with that, you steal my identity? >> no. i'm not a wizard. >> jimmy: okay. >> but you take this -- i'll show you how to do it. you take something like this. and you've got to know your mark. let me get a couple of things. it's not that hard. if you want to take notes, you take notes. it's great. >> jimmy: we can wait until after the show is over. >> you think this is the hard part, but you are so easy. >> jimmy: okay. >> usually i have to work harder to get it, but not this one. you get the i.d. oh, god, jimmy. it's almost sad, you just leave your -- you want something reminiscent of your mark. >> jimmy: okay. >> god, i knew it. i knew that was a wig. i knew it was a wig.
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>> jimmy: who would leave that stuff there? >> you shouldn't leave your wardrobe hanging around in the middle of the lobby. >> jimmy: that's what i was just saying. >> god, it's too much. you got a real small head. it's hard to get this wig on. here we go. i'm feeling like you. all right. here we go. here we go. voila. this feels right. this feels good. hello, hollywood. i'm jimmy kimmel! hey! hey. jimmy kimmel. hey. don't worry about it. hey. how you doing? that's all right. i'll pay for it.
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i'm jimmy kimmel. that's nice. he's got nice lips. give you this. oh! jimmy kimmel. recognize me? i'm from next door. right? >> oh yeah, jimmy kimmel. you're looking very good tonight. >> thank you, better than usual. why don't you drop by the show some night, i'll put you on the list. bring a broad. >> thank you so much. have a great day, ms. mccarthy. i loved you in "bridesmaids." >> jimmy: well, thank you so much. let's get together sometime. [ cheers and applause ] >> well-played, mr. doubtfire. [ applause ] >> i must tell you, ms. mccarthy, i've always been in love with you. >> jimmy: it's me, jimmy. >> don't ruin the moment. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. >> dicky: up next, jacoby jones
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shows off his moves. >> the night before the game, i'll be there practicing the whole time. you know what i'm saying? >> dicky: jimmy and ewan mcgregor talk sports. and still ahead, dr. phil mcgraw. portions of jimmy kimmel this week are brought to you by teleflora. impress your lady with a teleflora bouquet. fortunately, you've got listerine®. unlike brushing which misses 75% of your mouth, listerine® cleans virtually your entire mouth. so what are you waiting for? it's time to take your mouth to a whole new level of health. listerine®... power to your mouth™. and take the listerine® 21 day challenge. feel the difference, or your money back. women hate dandruff.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. before the super bowl, our next guest publicly warned the 49ers not to kick to him. this is what happened. this is one of two touchdowns he scored to lead his team to victory. 108 yards. i don't think i could even run 108 yards, let alone run way ahead of the pack for the super bowl champion boil ravens. please welcome jacoby jones. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thanks for coming out. i heard this is your first time here in los angeles. >> it is. let me say, though. people, forgive my shades. i'm not being hollywood. the excitement, i bust a blood vessel in my eyes. >> jimmy: from excitement? >> excitement. >> jimmy: just excitement? >> excitement. look at my face. >> jimmy: i can't really see your eyes. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you haven't slept much the last few days. >> no, i sleep. i'm going to get my sleep. >> jimmy: i think you should have been the super bowl mvp. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> the one thing i say, jimmy, is joe flacco deserves it, man. because what that guy been through and did. if you look at the postseason, 11 touchdowns, no ints. sweet! [ applause ] >> jimmy: he did definitely have a great postseason, there's no question about that. but in that specific game, you were the star. you actually planned to run that kick back, right? i mean, this was something you decided you were going to do. >> yeah, buddy. [ laughter ] part of the thing is, man, coach put that play in, i was like i'm going to tell coach he got to let me come out. he like man, they gonna bench you. i was like so? so when i told coach i want to be aggressive, he said let's do it. >> jimmy: now, the lights went out not long after that. >> i didn't care. i was tired. [ laughter ]
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[ applause ] >> jimmy: you're known for your touchdown dances. is that something your plan out beforehand? >> duh! >> jimmy: it is? >> listen, i have my dances, i make them up, and during the week of practice, i do them. seriously. i do a dance, see what my teammates think of them. they'll be like yeah, do that. [ laughter ] and then the night before the game, i'll be in the mirror practicing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: would you consider being on "dancing with the stars"? as a representative of the abc television network, i would like to offer you the chance to compete on "dancing with the stars." [ cheers and applause ] >> let me ask you this, do polar bears poo on ice? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm relatively sure that they do. >> i hope they don't do it in water, that's nasty. >> jimmy: you would do that? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: that would be great. i think that would be great.
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i think people would like to see you doing that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to ask you a question. the super bowl. on american television, they always tell us there are a billion people around the world watching the super bowl. i never believe it, because whenever i'm in another country, i try to get the games and no one seems interested. in scotland, is super bowl of interest to anyone? >> no. >> jimmy: it is not? [ laughter ] >> no, it's not. you can't find it. i don't think it's -- if it's televised, it would be late, or the middle of the night. and there's not a great following of american football in britain, really. and i would say scottish people in america would be watching it. >> jimmy: did you watch it? >> no. i would normally. because i love the -- you know,
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i don't feel american football, but i like big events. i don't watch hurdle racing, but the olympics i like hurdle racing. >> jimmy: why didn't you this year? >> we weren't asked to go anywhere to watch it. jim w . >> jimmy: why do you think that is? >> we're not much liked as a family. we're awkward to be around. and we remind people that we're foreigners and people don't like that. no, i think last year -- because i can't stand watching a sporting event when people are chatting and talking. so the idea of, like, watching a super bowl party to me is sort of -- i'm not able to multi-task like that. i can't watch the football, because i invest in it when i watch it. i don't want to miss anything.
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i want to see all the nuances of the play, even though i don't really understand it as a game. and then people are passing olives and cheese crackers and talking. and i think last year, i probably told people to shut the [ bleep ] up, i'm watching the football here. >> dicky: up next, dr. phil talks tuiasosopo. >> why are you so surprised i got this interview? >> jimmy: because if i did something wrong, you're the last person i would go to. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" this week are brought to you by teleflora. win her heart this valentine's day by sending a bouquet from ♪ yeeeowwww! ♪ hot mess hot mess hot mess ♪ ♪ you're a hot kind of love you set me on fire ♪ ♪ you spice up my night feed my every desire ♪
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>> jimmy: i want to talk about this ronaiah tuiasosopo. >> that's pretty good. pretty good. >> jimmy: you interviewed this guy, and what an interview this was. i mean, you really -- it was like "csi" dr. phil. you ran him through the ringer. you had fbi experts. how do you even get fbi experts to -- voice analysis of his voice. >> well, people were really curious about this, and i thought this young man deserves somebody to truly do an in-depth interview and get to the
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answers, because i read everything in the media, and everybody came to one conclusion, and i didn't feel like they really did their homework. and they came to the wrong conclusion. and so we kept digging and digging and digging until we finally got a research design that gave, i thought, a fair reading of this and got to the right conclusion. >> jimmy: it seemed like you were heading to the wrong conclusion also because it seemed like you did not believe when he said it was my voice, i was the one playing on the woman with a telephone. >> you sit down with a confessed liar that has perpetrated a multi-layered scam across an extended layer of time, you have to have a reasonable degree of skepticism. my theory was that his lips are moving, he's lying. so anything he said to me, i had to take with skepticism. so when he told me that's me on the phone, i looked him, i hear the voice, i'm thinking, you're going to have to prove to me this is you.
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i thought everybody was skeptical, they expected me to ask the hard questions they would ask if they were there, so i continued to challenge and challenge and challenge until we got there. >> jimmy: he kept refusing to do the voice until finally you badgered him to the point where he said all right, i'll go behind the screen because i'm embarrassed and then i'll do the voice. >> he had a good point. but again, if somebody says it's me, but i won't show you, [ bleep ]. i mean, i'm throwing the flag on that. i mean, come on. by the way, i watched your interview with katie. >> jimmy: katie couric. she had manti te'o. >> she did. katie is a good friend of mine, has been for a long, long time. and you're asking her, how do you think dr. phil got this interview? why are you so surprised i got this interview? >> jimmy: i'll tell you why -- >> i mean, you're scratching your head. >> jimmy: because if i did something wrong, you're the last person i would go to. because i know that eventually you're going to get me in a choke hold and strangle the truth out of me. i'd go to somebody nice, like
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katie. >> well, but here's a guy that has a serious mental emotional problem. >> jimmy: we all do. >> and he wants to talk to a mental health professional. >> jimmy: so why did he come to you? this is what i'm wondering. >> so he wants to talk to somebody that knows something about it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> why do you think they keep booking me here with you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do you take patients as a therapist? >> oh, hell no. >> jimmy: have you ever had that? >> i was in private practice for a long time. >> jimmy: so people would come to you with their problems and you would yell at them? >> why do you look so shocked when you say that? >> jimmy: because most therapists, in my experience, they'll sit there and not really say much of anything. >> how long were you in therapy? >> jimmy: i'll let you know. [ laughter ] >> how's it going? >> jimmy: it's going fine. it's fine. i'm very obsessed with myself, so i like to talk about myself
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to someone. and no one will talk to me unless i pay them. so this is what i do. but i have a hard time imagining you just kind of sitting there and listening. >> i was not the kind of therapist that was like uh-huh, yeah, right, and how does that make you feel. >> jimmy: right. >> i have to say, there was a time when i actually did marital therapy, and in all candor, i would have to say in the history of marital therapy, i had to be the worst marital therapist -- >> jimmy: oh, really? >> in the history of marital therapy. >> jimmy: why? >> because i didn't have the temperament for it. this couple would sit down and they would start bitching and whining and sniping at each other, and i'd sit there for like 15 minutes and say my god, no wonder you people can't stand each other. i've known you for 15 minutes and i wanna slap you both. [ laughter ]


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